So I draw Chihiro and Haku (dragon form) days ago but I forgot to post it…
Okay I apologize in advance for this stupid rant, but I’m so lost right now. I feel so alienated and alone, and now that I’m without the one person who made me feel alive, I know I can’t live this way anymore. I have no friends, and I know that sounds dramatic, but I really have no friends. And I know that’s partially my fault because I evade when I’m feeling afraid of change or new things. I have ‘friends’ who I think are so wonderful and great, but I’m not a part of them and I wish I was, but I’m just not. I really would like to start opening up and not be so afraid of how people perceive me anymore. Yeah it’s great to be thought of as cool and quirky, but it’s even better to just be able to be yourself and to have fun. I don’t even give a fuck about relationships anymore. I’m tired of the same result. I just wanna be able to hang out on weekends and be happy by myself but not by myself in this way, you know? So if anyone wants to talk, I’d really love that.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
this poorly drawn wolf pup believes in u
Wow. This hit pretty hard.←